This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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