Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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