she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
