You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
