i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
