Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
