sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
