Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
