We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
