My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
