I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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