so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
