Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
