...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
