I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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