Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
