there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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