you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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