gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
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