i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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