I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
