so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
