____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
