Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
