Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
