oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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