before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
