Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
