I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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