I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
