ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
