I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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