I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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