Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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