So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
