I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
