it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
