Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
