Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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