There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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