i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
