Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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