I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
