you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
