I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
