True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I skipped work to stalk him.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
