I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
