That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
