Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
