you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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