I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
