I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
