capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
