So drunk, too bad you don't want this
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
