This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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