Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
