You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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