I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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