he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
