either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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