I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize