my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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