am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
