Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
