my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize