Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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