Can i not drive my cunt home
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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