Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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