If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize