Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
