Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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