I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
my liver is dry heaving
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
