I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
