i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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