I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
