areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
