shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
