There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
