i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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