I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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