I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
