I just made out with a guy for $7.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
