textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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