i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
